What to Say to a Jealous Boyfriend
By: Michael Puskar
Updated July 29, 2021
Dating jealous men can be uncomfortable and sometimes even dangerous. While jealousy can be healthy for many relationships because it shows that they value the person they are with, being intimidated can leave you feeling trapped and wondering how you should navigate the situation peacefully without upsetting him. In this article, you learn how to address your boyfriend's (or husband's) jealousy in your relationship and how you can create trust to keep it under wraps.
- Tell Him How You Feel
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform. Communication is essential to resolving any issue in a relationship. Some things have a way of working themselves out, but this is rare. Most of the time, if something needs to be fixed, it needs to be brought up calmly and productively, of course.
This will probably be the most nerve-wracking part of the process because there is a lot of uncertainty, but it needs to be done if you want to solve anything. You will need to accept that there is the possibility he will get offended; no one wants to feel criticized and put on the spot.
However, you can only do your best to try to make it as smooth as you possibly can. As sternly, but at the same, as loving as you can be, you need to have an honest conversation about how his jealousy and his reactions make you feel. Simply acknowledging his jealousy is the first step to productive dialogue and fixing it. [1]
Ideally, he will listen and understand, but it doesn't end here – fixing jealousy issues will take some effort to resolve, but as long as he doesn't go off the deep end, you can move in the right direction and make some progress. Some jealous men can be physically and emotionally abusive. If this is the response that you get when trying to be productive, you shouldn't waste any more energy and move on and find someone less volatile.
- Let Him Know How Important He Is To You
Jealousy can often stem from a sense of inferiority and a lack of self-esteem. [2] Since he doesn't feel good about himself, he might believe that you think the same way, and you are trying to find someone better than him.
Anyone you talk to you is a threat to him, especially if they are charismatic and good-looking. You need to reassure him that this is not the case and that he has absolutely nothing to worry about at all.
You can start by complimenting him and making him feel like he is valuable. Over time, he should begin to feel less insecure with himself. However, sometimes, the issues can be deep-seated and require assistance from a professional who can improve his sense of well-being and confidence in himself.
If he starts feeling more comfortable in his skin, he should find fewer reasons to be jealous, especially if he knows that you're always by his side. He needs to learn how to trust you as well as himself.
- Let Him Be Involved As Much As Possible
Sure, everyone needs their space, and they should be able to take care of things independently, but allowing your partner to tag along even for the most mundane activities can be a way to make him feel included.
Whether you're going to the store down the street or you're planning some social activities with your friends, inviting him can certainly be a way to make him less jealous. After all, jealousy can be caused by feeling left out, and this way, he can know for sure that you're not up to no good.
One might argue that this is counterproductive and is only restricting you by having him around shadowing you, but the idea is to help get him involved in these activities, and you should be genuine about it. You want him to realize that his jealousy is irrational and that his worries and outbursts are purely based on fiction.
Who knows, he might even get bored of joining you and feel reassured that you're not out talking to other men. This will allow you to get your independence back, and it should keep the jealousy under control.
- Keep Him Updated
When you go out and do things on your own, it can be an excellent idea to periodically call him or send him a text, letting him know what you're up to, when you'll be back home, make plans for later, etc.
It can seem annoying and feel like an obligation at first because, like the previous section, it's giving up a piece of your independence, but these gestures can help quell a much bigger problem.
Sending a quick message offers him a sense of reassurance, and it will prevent unnecessary conversations such as, "Where were you at?" "Why didn't you answer me?" and things of that nature. You don't want to make him feel like he's being left hanging.
Just think of it as a compromise; a little bit of effort will help give you some peace of mind. It is still a band-aid, and it's recommended that he learns how to cope with his jealousy issues and become more independent himself, but for now, it's a good habit to keep in touch with him while you're out and about.
- Try Some PDA
Public display of affection can be natural for some couples, but for others, it can feel kind of strange, especially if you tend to be private about it, but getting out of your comfort zone, even just a tiny bit, should be helpful.
This doesn't mean that you need to go all out, but smaller gestures like holding hands, sitting close to each other, or a kiss on the cheek can make all of the difference.
By doing this, you're letting everyone know that you're together, and it makes him more secure. A public display of affection is a physical way of letting him know that you love and appreciate him.
Keep in mind – there is the possibility that he might be uncomfortable with it, especially if you both are on the reserved side and don't do this often or at all. Depending on how he reacts, you can either try to take things very slowly, or you might need to try another option. PDA can work for many guys, but not all of them, so gauge the situation appropriately.
- Tell Him That You Love Him
You might think that you show him enough love, but until you actively make an effort to do so, you'll probably realize that you don't as often as you think.
In addition to a public display of affection, saying the three words, "I love you," can be very powerful in helping to reduce jealousy. You need to make it very clear that you have feelings for him, and he's the one for you.
This can as simple as saying it before you go to sleep, leave for work, or even during the middle of the day to let him know that you're thinking about him. You can also show your love without actually saying it too. You can also consider leaving him small gifts or laughing at his bad jokes – anything to make him know and feel like he is special. [3]
Consistently letting him know that you love him, either verbally or non-verbally, will be effective in making him less jealous because he won't be sitting around wondering how you feel about him. Like most things on this list, it's all about making him feel secure and not need to overreact to his jealousy.
- Try Couples' Counseling
Even if all of these methods so far work out for you, attending therapy for couples can be a very valuable asset for you and your boyfriend.
While these other options can certainly help provide relief, therapy offers long-term solutions for your jealous boyfriend by giving him the skills he needs to cope with his feelings, changing the way he thinks about things, allowing him to assess the situation react more appropriately.
Jealousy issues can be complex and can be caused by countless things, which professional help can address. It will also give you more personalized strategies based on your relationship.
Online therapy is a popular way to get help. At ReGain, licensed and professional counselors and therapists are available around the clock to give you and your boyfriend the assistance you need. It's convenient, affordable, and you'll also learn and understand more about each other!
Counselor Reviews
"Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together."
"Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor."
Conclusion
Even if removing jealousy entirely sounds nice right now, as mentioned before, having a certain degree of it can be healthy for the relationship. Therefore, most methods aim to keep jealousy under control and at a bare minimum.
It's also important to try not to make it obvious that you're trying to make him less jealous. He may ask something like, "why are you doing this all of a sudden," but never tell him your goal. Even if it seems insincere, you're coming from a place of care and concern; otherwise, you wouldn't be making an effort.
If he inquires, say that it's because you love him, want to feel closer, or think that the relationship needed more affection.
Nonetheless, hopefully, this article will help you achieve a happier and healthier relationship by managing your jealousy. With the right approach and some outside help, handling jealous men is not an impossible feat, but it will take time and effort.
References
- Psychology Today. (2019). Jealousy. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/jealousy.
- Lancer, D. (2018, October 8). How Insecurity Leads to Envy, Jealousy, and Shame. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/envy-jealousy-and-shame/.
- Goldsmith, B. (2013, January 13). 10 Ways to Say "I Love You" Without Saying "I Love You." Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201301/10-ways-say-i-love-you-without-saying-i-love-you.
Frequently Asked Questions: How do you deal with a jealous boyfriend? The first step in dealing with jealous behavior is to talk with your partner about it. They may not be aware of how their actions are making you feel. Use empathy and address their fears and anxieties about the relationship if they have any. Try to talk about it calmly and not get defensive if your partner expresses emotions or brings up upsetting topics. Show your partner some extra affection. This can go a long way in showing your partner that you care about them and that they are important to you. Finally, be available and responsive. When you are dating jealous people, the more you ignore them, the worse things might become. Check-in via text or a phone call if you're running late, or just to let them know you are thinking about them when you are out and about. Is jealousy a sign of love or insecurity? Jealous behavior often gets confused with love. It's not; it is often a sign of insecurity. Unhealthy jealousy is rooted in fear and causes behaviors that could be detrimental to the relationship. Healthy jealousy comes from a need to guard those that we love from potential threats. Unhealthy jealousy usually comes with low self-esteem, dependency, and insecurities that need to be discussed with your partner and perhaps with a mental health professional. What are the signs of a jealous boyfriend? There are a few signs that can be a form of jealous behavior. If your boyfriend exhibits one or all of the following, they might be dealing with some level of jealousy: Is a jealous boyfriend bad? Having a jealous boyfriend can quickly become unhealthy if boundaries aren't set in place. If your partner starts to become possessive and accusatory, it might be time to sit down and have a conversation with them about their feelings and how their actions make you feel. Encourage your partner to seek out counseling, or offer to go with them for couple's counseling if your partner's jealous behavior has reached an unhealthy level. Why am I so jealous of my relationship? If you find yourself taking your jealousy to an unhealthy level in your relationship, it might be time to take a look inside of yourself. Perhaps you're insecure about certain things, or that you are scared your partner might leave you. Finding the root of your insecurities will likely be the first step to uncovering what really may be happening. Counseling can help you uncover some of the issues that may be at the root of your jealousy. The most important thing is honest communication between you and your partner. Why is my man so jealous? There could be a few reasons your boyfriend is jealous. Perhaps they are insecure, or they learned jealousy from a young age. They could also be dealing with abandonment issues, especially if they have been cheated on in the past. It's important to discuss these issues with your partner and build on your relationship. If your partner's jealousy escalates into physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, please seek help (The Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE). How do I stop being jealous and insecure? Ask yourself where the jealousy is coming from. Usually, you can trace it back to its source with help from a mental health professional. Were you cheated on in the past? It might be fear that it may happen again. Talk with friends and family about your jealousy. Sometimes an open ear and honest feedback can help you gain perspective. Talk with your partner about your jealous feelings. They may be unaware of how their actions are triggering your jealousy. Does being jealous mean you're insecure? Jealousy and insecurity are two sides of the same coin. Insecurity is an internal emotion, while external factors produce jealousy. Insecurities can make you more susceptible to being jealous, especially if When you experience jealousy, it may be because the situation triggers your insecurities, even if they aren't apparent.
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What to Say to a Jealous Boyfriend
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